BP Oil Spill Satire

BP Says Millions Spent Is Plugging Image Hole

 Officials at BP today reported they are achieving excellent results from the over $100 million it has spent on advocacy ads to blunt its negative image following the Deepwater Horizon explosion and oil spill. “We’re quite pleased with the results our corporate ads have had,” said Tim Jourdinky, Minister of Corporate Propaganda. “After our little …

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BP Oil Spill Satire Humor

BP Blames Obama For Gulf Oil Spill

 BP has found a new scapegoat for the April 20 Deepwater Horizon catastrophic explosion and oil spill–– President Barack Obama. Capitalizing on Obama’s slide in approval ratings, a BP company spokesperson said anonymously that the President’s recent swim in the Gulf with his daughter Sasha may have been a clever ploy to divert attention away …

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BP Oil Spill Satire Humor

Hayward: Headhunter Catnip

 Now that BP has officially decided to dump CEO Tony Hayward almost 100 days following the Deepwater Horizon catastrophic oil spill, the British executive is updating his resume and preparing to attack the job market. “I reckon the world will be my oyster,” said a confident Hayward sipping champagne from a 24-Karat solid gold jewel-encrusted …

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BP Oil Spill Satire Humor

BP Proposes Fixing Cheney’s Heart

 Former V.P. Dick Cheney, age 69, received a HeartMate II LVAD (left ventricular assist device) last week and reportedly is recovering well. But officials at BP think they can help Cheney even more. “After the tremendous success we’ve achieved fixing pesky oil leaks, we sincerely believe we can help the former vice president with his …

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BP Oil Spill Satire Humor

BP Claims To Be “The Best!!!”

 Now that it looks like the BP Deepwater Horizon leak may finally be capped after 85 days, BP executives are crowing about their brilliance. “We’re number one!” bragged one executive proudly as he wagged his index finger into this reporter’s face. “We kicked this leak’s butt from here to kingdom come, and you want to …

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