President Donald J. Trump has had his fill of “fake news.”
In a stunning announcement today, Trump announced his appointment of the hosts of Fox and Friends as “Ministers of Truth”–– a new Cabinet position.
“There are too many liars out there,” the president said, “and that’s bad. Liars are very bad people. Americans need truth tellers to tell them like it is. People we can trust one hundred percent all of the time. Steve, Ainsley, and Brian have always been straight shooters, and I take their word as gospel. And the gospel is a good book. Most people don’t know this, but it’s a very good book. Watching the Fox and Friends crew is the best way to start any day. Their smiles are like sunshine! Their honest reporting is much, much better than reading detailed intelligence reports from the CIA and military experts. Bor-ring!”
Sarah Huckabee Sanders later told the press that the president has empowered his Ministers of Truth with special enforcement powers.
“If Steve, Ainsley, and Brian decide something is fake news and is potentially harmful to the president and his administration, they have the power to imprison, or, in extreme cases, execute the offenders and their families. While this may seem extreme to some people, the president believes law and order is the only way to restore the backbone necessary to make America great again.”
A Washington Post reporter asked if the new appointments would require Congressional approval. Ms. Sanders clapped her hands, and a team of Navy Seals swept down on the reporter and immediately rushed him out of the room as he kicked and screamed.
“Are there any more stupid questions?” the White House Press Secretary asked.
Crickets played their legs.
This reporter from The Lint Screen applauds the president on his excellent leadership and bows to his new Ministers of Truth! Long may you all reign!